Joki, I

Joki’s beeper rattles against the empty beer can. He put down his New Republic and reaches over for the device. Leslie Hayes. Leslie would have work. Unfortunately for Leslie, Joki is not at the moment looking for work.

At the moment, Joki is not looking for anything. No, strike that, he looks for something. Pats his shirt. He gets up from his stool and strides toward the saloon door. Outside, he lights his Kool and looks around this Wicker Park, this Chicago, where he finds himself. The boutique shops. The uniquely coiffed, semi-employed young men gamboling from café to café. The equally unique young ladies walking dogs smaller than the eiders of his native Iceland. The immigrants parking their cars, staffing the salons and restaurants, shirts sticking to their back even before their work days begin. The homeless and ill begging for spare change with their worn Styrofoam cups, as illusory and permanent to this landscape as the plastic bags.

What freedom.

Joki stubs out his Kool in a convenient planter and reenters the saloon. The beeper blinks red. Leslie’s damn beeper. Red means emergency. Green means all clear. Leslie’s beeper never blinks green. Joki grabs the device from the bar and read the message:

WE NEED TO BE IN CONTACT

We need to be in contact. Who talks like that? Joki thinks.

R.I.P. Harvey Korman. You were a brilliant and funny man and you will be missed.

Memorial of the Month

A month ago, I read a Wired article about how the founder of Monster.com was starting a memorial web site. They linked to a few other sites, one which was a Christian site. OK, so I couldn't resist. I'm Charles.

Have fun. Check back in and see what we find.

Joe Morgan Rant

Ahh...Joe Morgan. Quite possibly the most obnoxious man in sports. If he wasn't blowing up my 70's Strat-O-Matic League (Nerd Alert!), I would have little to say good of the man. My sister's boyfriend, Brian, agrees. What follows is the unexpurgated email I received from Brian this morning. Enjoy.

Michael, So I'm driving in my car Tuesday afternoon listening to the Mike Tirico - Scott Van Pelt show on ESPN Radio and I just happen on their weekly interview with Joe Morgan. Scott Van Pelt starts the interview off by kissing his @ss, "always a pleasure to speak with an HOF-er and such an important ambassador of the game, Joe Morgan. Joe, how are ya..." and so on. So basically, I'm already rolling my eyes and the interview hasn't even started. Van Pelt jumps right into the big baseball news of the day...the turmoil in Queens, with Willie Randolf. Van Pelt asks, "what's going on out there Joe?" Morgan launches into this whole diatribe about how he thinks its unfair and its crazy that people are calling for his head....he also begins to elude that people want him fired for reasons other than his team's performance. He then cites the manager in Texas....some people are calling for his head too, but no one is calling for the heads of other managers for under-performing teams. He says, for example, Ned Yost....no ones yelling for him to be fired. Or the guy in Seattle, no ones yelling for him to be fired. He says that its completely ridiculous that these guys aren't on the chopping block too, but he says that there's a reason why they aren't and the guy in Texas and Wille Randolf are. Scott Van Pelt goes "well, Joe...I think what you're saying is....its because they're African-American." And Joe simply says, "that's how I see the situation". At this point, I almost swerved off the road I was so p*ssed off. I'm literally screaming at radio. My hands are off the steering wheel as they are raised in rage/confusion/embarrassment/etc. Joe Morgan thinks Willie Randolf's job is in jeopardy because he's black. Not because last year the Mets completed the worse collapse in major league baseball history and missed the playoffs. Not because, up until Tuesday, they had gone 1-7 in their last 8 games with a team ERA over 5 and a team batting average under .230. Not because they have shelled out more money then most teams entire payrolls for 3 or 4 players, the underachieving Johan Santana being one of them. Nope....none of those reasons. I am continuously amazed at how out of touch Joe Morgan is with baseball. He says whatever he wants, about whatever he wants, no matter how unrelated to anything it may be. He truly believes that he is above everyone and has a free pass to make an @ss of himself and the game because he's in the hall of fame. Its embarrassing and infuriating. And then, the icing on the cake, is Van Pelt wrapping up the interview with more @ss-kissing, "Always a pleasure to speak with a man who is not afraid to voice his opinion about the game he loves so much and contributed so much to. An amazing second baseman in is own right, hall of famer, Joe Morgan, always a pleasure." Appalling. Brian

This American Life

Ira Glass inspired me. In a documentary on storytelling, Ira explained that most creative people start out making crap. A LOT of crap. A few weeks ago, I journaled that very same thought. I've always understood this. But who wants to make crap? Well, I do. From this day forward I am bound and determined to produce as much drivel, doggerel, and balderdash as one struggling writer with low self-esteem and poor work ethic can. I want YOU to read this crap. Pick apart the crap. Add your own crap. I want this for purely selfish reasons. But do not hesitate to also be as self-indulgent and self-involved as myself. Let's loosen our egos' sphincters. Together. Now, the interview that started this whole mess:

Feeling like yourself

Yesterday I ran into Jacqueline, a friend of a friend, at Whole Foods. I've been hiding out in Evanston because of my current employment situation. I can't spend money I'm not earning. Talking to Jacqueline yesterday, I was not uncomfortable at all. I told her about the possibilites of grad school. I did state that I was on my way home from work (even though it was not even four). Sure, I lied. But if a lie is preventing you from being awkward, if it's a legit self-defense mechanism, doesn't it absolve itself? If the lie doesn't hurt anyone, and saves you from pain?

Last night I got stoned, and I thought about the last job. I remembered some criticism, my boss had given me in the last couple of weeks. I also recalled another manager asking to go out with me over the last month or so. I never took him up on the offer. Did I not do good work? Is that why I got fired? I don't want to think so. Just the weekend before I was dismissed, I went to the Hilton at 7:45 A.M. to check in. Sure, I didn't actually enter, but I did call my contact and see if he needed anything.

Why can I not disconnect from this situation? Why can't my failures find their way home? Why do they suffer me so?

Hillary continues

Hillary won both Texas and Ohio yesterday, which means she and Obama will duke it out until probably June. People think it will hurt either in the general election, but I don't know. As long as they don't damage each other irreparably (which with a Clinton involved you can't take for granted), the two of them should dominate the media coverage for the next while. McCain will be like that great show on the CW-you're aware of it, but you don't even know what channel number it is. Whatever happens, it promises to be interesting.

Brett Favre retired yesterday. I think the Bears have an outside chance to win the division next year-and no, not because they just signed Marty Booker. When Marty Booker was last good for the Bears, I was still sulking through my undergrad years. The hope for the Bears lies in the defense, as their offense looks horrible right now.

Living in sin

Kara and I are finally officially under one roof together. Yesterday I gathered the rest of my stuff from Dan's crazy house. I'm pretty damn excited. There are very few moments where you knowingly step into the future. No longer will I have to battle another human who I don't have any feelings for in my living space. And it's bigger than that. The retreat Kara and I went on last weekend made it pretty clear to me that I'm making the right call with all this.

I dropped off my application for grad school at DePaul yesterday. Who knows what will happen. I know I will get in, but it really all comes down to what kind of financial aid I can get. I won't be horribly disappointed if it doesn't work out.

Today is like the fifth Super Tuesday. It doesn't look like the results will change much-unless Obama wins both states. It could happen. I wonder what Hill will do after all this. Will she be content to live out the rest of her days as the junior senator from NY?