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Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Japan reactor leaks waste. World shudders.

Japan suffered a massive earthquake yesterday. Old people died, and a small amount of nuclear material was released into the ocean from a reactor close to the fault. Come again? Nuclear material released in Japan? Besides the obvious tragic atomic history, let us not forget the cinematic results of atomic accidents in Japan.

Come on people! Do we really trust the Japanese to tell us this was a minor accident? If my years of watching Svengoolie as a child taught me anything, it was that atomic waste and Japan equals cardboard cutouts of cities going up in flames. Don't believe me? Well, don't blame me when Mothra makes Tokyo the world's largest sweater.

In other news today, the Chicago Cub announced the signing of Jason Kendall yesterday. The Cub is now completely assured of winning the National League pennant. Obviously, all they were missing was a .226 hitting catcher. I do not hate the Cub. Only their fans. These delusional, uneducated fans need to know that 3.5 games back is tough to overcome, especially if you only play the Brewers in one more series. The Cub's sure failure to get to the playoffs will have to comfort me as I watch my Sox stumble through the rest of their season (they are currently losing to the Indians 2-0). Fans of the Cub, don't get too excited just yet.

I am off to lose money at cards. Please feel free to take whatever I leave when I'm gone.


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