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Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Let's Go Change The World!



You must bear with me today. The last five days have flown by with the speed and vividness of a fever dream, and I am still attempting to catch my breath.

Friday morning I was in a Rome airport on layover from my honeymoon. After seventeen days abroad, I longed to be back in the States amongst my people, amongst the things I knew. That evening I was at a Chicago Italian restaurant with my wife and parents. My father brought my attention to the television, where I saw the man above. I recognized the man instantly. He is to my life as permanent a fixture of what home is as Lower Wacker Drive or a boiled Vienna dog on a sesame seed bun. The next morning I found out that man had died.

The man is Studs Terkel and he loved America-all of America- in ways few ever have. He had a show on WFMT in the evenings and through him I learned about Walt Whitman, jazz, Frank Lloyd Wright, the Great Depression, and why they call it the blues. Through his books I took a crash course in political science, reading the words of people from every area of our country, from every class, creed, and color.

More important, though, is what Studs stood for- an active American past where the greatest excitement came from civic action. His was an experience of speaking at Bughouse Square, shouting at union meetings, and toasting strangers in smoky clubs. His community was wider than a land between the great oceans. His community was all of us.

Studs lived through two world wars. He hustled through the Great Depression. He was spit on during civil rights marches. Through all of this, all of this, he never doubted once that we should end this American experiment. He knew you had to have skin in the game to make it all work. You can't let the next guy pick up the tab. You heard it in his voice every broadcast. "We shall overcome these differences," he would say.

Studs would be over the moon today.



Last night, Barack Obama became the 44th President of these United States, and the first black one. I watched the election returns at a near-by bar. The surrounding streets sung with electricity. At the bar, there were a group of West Indians watching the returns. There were a couple of guys from Bosnia. There were tables full of white kids. Every state that went blue was met with a thunder of applause. When the result came final, we hugged. We kissed. We cried. It was a shared national experience I had never known- the anti 9/11. You didn't want to go home.

And the world woke up changed.



What got us to last night was what Studs was all about. Corporations and agents of prejudice did not elect Obama, we did. The American people did. We as a country stood up and said, "Enough!" We did it through unions. We did it over the internet. We did it over coffee at diners and in breakrooms. After eight years of misrule and how many more years of shared apathy, we rediscovered our own power. We renewed the civic bonds that make this country a living thing.

Let us stay vigilant. A night that saw one maligned minority victorious, also saw the majority take away minority rights in California. America will always be an experiment. The minute any of us take any of this for granted is the minute our experiment fails. In Egypt, I walked amongst a people who lived under the boot heel of oppression. Thousands of armed guards walk their streets night and day. Their middle class live in a degree of filth you wouldn't see in our ghettoes. Their votes are suppressed, their voices imprisoned. America is a truly wonderful idea. We make it a reality when we stay involved. You can't own what you don't use. For eight long years, we have been used. Last night we took America back. Let us never give it away again.

Celebrate this. Don't forget how we feel. Later-think, pray, meditate. We have come a long way, baby.

And read. Yes, you can read quite a bit about this historic moment today. Newsweek begins a seven -part series on the campaign. Six years ago, the New Republic wrote about the inevitable new Democratic majority.

FoxNews, a prime vehicle of our past divisive habits, announces for Obama, and Juan Williams takes his token ball and and scores.



I leave you with this.

Thank you, Studs. Thank you, America.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Get Your Geek On: Jay Walker's Library


The above image is a picture of the library in Jay Walker's home. Jay is the head of Walker Digital, a think tank which came up with Priceline.com. The dude is a millionaire many times over, so he built himself the room of my dreams to show off his stuff. And what stuff he has. A Sputnik (that's it hanging in the photo above to the right). A framed napkin from 1943 on which Franklin D. Roosevelt outlined his plan to win World War II. The hand of the Thing signed by the Addams's Family cast. Thank you, thank you, Wired for showing me what I would do with loads and loads of money.

Check out these photos fellow geeks, and drool.

Friedman Field Dresses Palin

Shambollocks has made itself very clear before- we believe the next American president should raise taxes across the board, but most heavily against the rich. America is drowning in debt, and now we have to pay off a $700 billion dollar buyout of bad bank debt to boot. Somebody, somewhere has to pony up the cash. If we don't pay it off with tax revenue, we have to pay it off by borrowing more money from China.

The Republicans don't like taxes. They don't think they should pay them. They think the other guy should. Sarah Palin even said that paying taxes was not patriotic during the VP debate. Good ole Thomas Friedman takes her down in yesterday's New York Times.

Criticizing Sarah Palin is truly shooting fish in a barrel. But given the huge attention she is getting, you can’t just ignore what she has to say. And there was one thing she said in the debate with Joe Biden that really sticks in my craw. It was when she turned to Biden and declared: “You said recently that higher taxes or asking for higher taxes or paying higher taxes is patriotic. In the middle class of America, which is where Todd and I have been all of our lives, that’s not patriotic.”

What an awful statement. Palin defended the government’s $700 billion rescue plan. She defended the surge in Iraq, where her own son is now serving. She defended sending more troops to Afghanistan. And yet, at the same time, she declared that Americans who pay their fair share of taxes to support all those government-led endeavors should not be considered patriotic.

I only wish she had been asked: “Governor Palin, if paying taxes is not considered patriotic in your neighborhood, who is going to pay for the body armor that will protect your son in Iraq? Who is going to pay for the bailout you endorsed? If it isn’t from tax revenues, there are only two ways to pay for those big projects — printing more money or borrowing more money. Do you think borrowing money from China is more patriotic than raising it in taxes from Americans?” That is not putting America first. That is selling America first.

Sorry, I grew up in a very middle-class family in a very middle-class suburb of Minneapolis, and my parents taught me that paying taxes, while certainly no fun, was how we paid for the police and the Army, our public universities and local schools, scientific research and Medicare for the elderly. No one said it better than Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes: “I like paying taxes. With them I buy civilization.”

I can understand someone saying that the government has no business bailing out the financial system, but I can’t understand someone arguing that we should do that but not pay for it with taxes. I can understand someone saying we have no business in Iraq, but I can’t understand someone who advocates staying in Iraq until “victory” declaring that paying taxes to fund that is not patriotic.

How in the world can conservative commentators write with a straight face that this woman should be vice president of the United States? Do these people understand what serious trouble our country is in right now?

Yes they do, Thomas. But they don't care. The Republican party represents the haves, and the haves will walk out of this crisis quite alright. It will be the have-nots who take it on the chin, have to make career switches and put off retirement, and get told that they're 'real Americans' and that their values are protected. The Republicans will leave us all destitute, but by golly, our marriages will still be sacred!

Lehman Brothers CEO Cold Cocked


Shambollocks prides itself on chronicling the little guy's narrative during this New Depression. The guy who sticks it to the man, even if it requires breaking the law. Today, we share with you a new hero.

Richard Fuld, douche bag CEO of bankrupt Lehman Brothers, was partaking in the last vestiges of his executive perks- a workout in the Lehman Brothers gym Sunday. We'll let the Daily Telegraph (yes, because our papers suck) tell the rest of the story.

Mr Fuld, who has been testifying on the financial crisis before the US
House Oversight Committee, was attacked on a Sunday shortly after it was
announced that the banking giant was bankrupt.

Following rumours that the incident had occurred, Vicki Ward, a US
journalist, said "two very senior sources - one incredibly senior source" had
confirmed it to her. "He went to the gym after ... Lehman was announced as going
under," she told CNBC. "He was on a treadmill with a heart monitor on. Someone
was in the corner, pumping iron and he walked over and he knocked him out
cold.

Karma, baby. If you are such a gigantic, clueless pr&ck that you watch your company explode, sending shrapnel throughout the economy, AND THEN have the temerity to go to Capitol Hill and whine that the government didn't save your ass, well...you deserve to get beaten on a daily basis.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Take On Me: Literal Video Version

My favorite one hit wonder of the '80s is A-Ha's Take On Me. The song contains so many cliches of the '80s-synth riff, elliptical romantic lyrics, and a singer who tears up some falsetto. The state-of-the-art video which accompanied the song also helped with its success. The video is wildly entertaining, but it sure doesn't make alot of sense. In fact, it should be spoofed.



Everybody wants to come to the pipe wrench fight, but nobody wants to clean up.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Sarah Palin Scares Diddy. Fo' Rizzle.

P Diddy has a vlog on YouTube I was unaware of until today. I guess you could watch them all and there would be other priceless nuggets, but I have an automatic five minute Diddy threshold until my gag reflex starts. It appears Diddy supports Obama because, well, Sarah Palin makes him do a Blair Witch spoof. Hilarious.



As I've said, celebrity endorsements do nothing for me. But creative people bringing serious situations to light is something with which I can agree. Just don't make me buy a Diddy product.

Damnit, I just puked.

Robber Posts On Craigslist, Takes Off On Inner Tube

In Monroe, Washington, Wednesday, a robber utilized a Craigslist ad to recruit accomplices, robbed an armed guard with pepper spray, and got away on an inner tube according to the Seattle Times. Fantastic!

Mike, who wanted to be identified only by his first name, told KING-5 that he saw a Craigslist ad last week seeking workers for a road-maintenance project. He inquired and was e-mailed instructions to meet near the bank at 11 a.m. Tuesday and to wear specific clothing.

"Yellow vest, safety goggles, a respirator mask ... and, if possible, a blue shirt," Mike told KING-5.

No contractor met Mike and about a dozen other similarly dressed men who showed up at the bank, and they thought they had been stood up. Then, KING-5 reported, a man told them about the bank robbery.

" 'Yeah, guys, we just got scammed,' " Mike said the man told him. "Bank robbery just happened to be right across the street, in the same attire in all the e-mails that everyone got."

Awesome! I hope the dude gets away it. Sure, banks don't need anymore bad news this week, but what a plan! Kudos, dude in dust mask. Kudos.