Do You Have What It Takes?

Because the Old Glory ad from a few days ago made me nostalgic for more faux ads, here's one for American Apparel:



Hilarious. Every time I see their ads on the back of The Onion or The Reader, I am filled with a desire to eat hipsters.

Ivy Retardation

The American Scholar published an article by William Deresiewicz, a professor at Yale University, which describes the phenomenon he calls "Ivy Retardation."

We were “the best and the brightest,” as these places love to say, and
everyone else was, well, something else: less good, less bright. I learned to
give that little nod of understanding, that slightly sympathetic “Oh,” when
people told me they went to a less prestigious college. (If I’d gone to Harvard,
I would have learned to say “in Boston” when I was asked where I went to
school—the Cambridge version of noblesse oblige.) I never learned that there are
smart people who don’t go to elite colleges, often precisely for reasons of
class. I never learned that there are smart people who don’t go to college at
all.

So very true. I openly loathe the American education system. Yes, I am currently training to be a test prep instructor, thereby helping more students game the system. I am part of the problem. But I do know what the solution is. The American education system is nothing more than a guarantor of privileges of your socioeconomic class. The idea that there is any equality at all is laughable. Equal education will only arrive when teaching becomes training, when all students are given the basics towards their survival in a global market.

Yes, this would be more money for teachers, and higher taxes. But it would emphasize broad, marketable skills- reading, writing, math, and technology. The lie of American education is that anyone can be President. Maybe so, but that is not a goal. The country needs construction workers and adminstrative assistants. What the country doesn't need is failed schools and academics more in love with theory than training.

True, education is better today on a global perspective. More women and handicapped receive proper education. But, top to bottom, the American education system relies less on its primary goal (education) than on illusory social skills (phys ed, networking, adding resources, etc.).

Our empire will crumble here, not through misbegotten wars or failed environmental policies. Poor students make poor leaders.

Tarantino Update

Our man in Van Nuys, Mr. Quentin Tarantino, chatted with the BBC about his upcoming WWII movie, Inglorious Bastards. The film will be his version of The Dirty Dozen.

Something to look forward in, oh, I say, Christmas '09.

Honda's ASIMO Conducts Detroit Symphony

First, Japanese cars overtake Detroit cars in the marketplace. Next, their robots come and conduct Detroit's symphony.


What's next? Do they buy the Red Wings?

Just reminding you, better get that robot insurance.

Why the Democrats Suck

While you were enjoying your summer the last two days, the Democratic controlled Congress rewrote our laws for government wiretapping. The Democrats gave the Bush administration everything. The government can begin reading your emails and bugging your calls just like if you flipped off Jack Bauer in traffic.

Slate's excellent legal affairs columnist, Patrick Radden Keefe, wrote a piece which will explain to you exactly why this bill is so horrid. FISA, the previous law protecting us from an obtrusive government, existed since the bad old Watergate days. The Democrats then lived through a corrupt Republican administration, and passed laws to stop another Nixon from bypassing our Constitution. The Democrats we have today? Yeah, not so much. Why not give an even worse Republican expanded powers? Ugh.

The Sprints and US Cellulars of the world, the folks we all pay monthly so we can drunk text at 2 AM, the very companies who allowed the government to browse through your phone records without your knowledge, were granted immunity. And yes, our very own Barack Obama voted for the bill.

Somebody remind the Democrats exactly what an opposition party means, please. Nancy and Harry, it means you vote No. No. You just vote no.

Ick. Just about makes you want to party with Ron Paul.

Willy the Hot Dog Man

Kermit Love, 91, co-creator of Big Bird and my childhood best friend Mr. Snuffleupagus (seriously) with Shambollocks Personal God Jim Henson (an elusive category, which we'll leave for another post), died yesterday according to the Los Angeles Times.

Kermit played Willy the Hot Dog Man on the show, human foil for Oscar the Grouch. He is not the inspiration of Kermit the Frog's name.

Sesame Street has had as much a positive impact on American society as any cultural product or historical figure. It imagines an urban existence of tolerance and responsibility which remains elusive, but is as effective educationally today as it was in the '70s.

Though he had no children of his own, Love said in a 1991 Newsweek article
he had "raised so many people's families.

"I have a million children."

Yes you did, Kermit. And I, as one, will miss you dearly.

Troy McClure Resume

.

IMDb has started a new feature, providing resumes for favorite fictional characters. This link gives you the career of Troy McClure, star of my favorite Simpson episode A Fish Called Selma. His film work follows:

Performer Profile
Gender:
Male
Physique:
Average
Hair Color:
Brown
Hair Length:
Short
Ethnicity:
Caucasian
Voice Type:
Baritone
Representation
Macarthur Parker: Agent To The Stars, Macarthur Parker, Agent macparkerimdb@aol.com
Carnival Of The Stars, Jim McClure, Other mr_lariat@hotmail.com
Film
Three Men And A Bunsen Burner
The doomed Professor Landrew
Cry Yuma
Here Comes The Coast Guard
Preacher With A Shovel
The Revenge Of Abe Lincoln
The Wackiest Covered Wagon In The West
Calling All Quakers
Gladys The Groovy Mule
Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die (aka McBain; aka McBain Episode I: Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die)
A Bridge Too Far
Todd, the world's unluckiest dentist
Dial M For Murderousness
The Erotic Adventures Of Hercules
'P' Is For Psycho
The President's Neck Is Missing!
The Boatjacking Of Supership 79
Hydro, The Man With The Hydraulic Arms
Good-Time Slim, Uncle Doobie, And The Great 'Frisco Freak-Out
Muppets Go Medieval
The Contrabulous Fabtraption Of Professor Horatio Hufnagel
Troy McClure
The Greatest Story Ever Hula-d
They Came To Burgle Carnegie Hall
Meet Joe Blow
Give My Remains To Broadway
The Verdict Was Mail Fraud
Leper In The Backfield
Make-Out King Of Montana
The Electric Gigolo
Wake Up, Finnegan
Paddy The relentless bell-ringer
David VS Super-Goliath
Suddenly Last Supper
Space Mutants VII: Cry Of The Space Mutant
The Itchy & Scratchy Movie
Jagged Attraction
Look Who's Still Oinking
Three Men And A Nuke
Ten Was Too Many
The Computer Wore Puka Shells
The Frontier Family Get Deer Ticks
The Mediocre Journey
Swing, Swang, Swung
Bobby, the happy-go-lucky boyhood friend of Ook-Ook the lip cancer chimp
Slow Down, David Copperfield, What's That Down Your Sock?
Calling All Lumberjacks
The Day Paul Bunyan Cried
Radioactive Man II: Bring On The Sequel
Radioactive Man III
The Pulverizer
Sleepless In Shelbyville
The Unbearable Moistness Of Sweating
Coffee, Tea, Or Fiddle Dee Dee
Eenie Meeni Miney, Die
Young Jebediah Springfield
Watch-And-Learn Productions
Television
Troy And Company's Summertime Smile Factory
Buck Henderson: Union Buster
Handel With Kare
Troy McClure's Pre-Teen Soul Machine
Alien Nose Jobs
Fox Network Special
Five Fabulous Weeks Of The Chevy Chase Show
Fox Network Special
Troy McClure's Aloha From Louie's House of Shave Ice (Live Via Satellite!)
Infomercial
"Ah! Fudge" Factory Introductory Video
"Rancho Relaxo" Resort Introductory Video
I Can't Believe They Invented It!
Hosting
IBN: Impulse Buying Network
Springfield Public Television Telethon
Out With Gout '88
Let's Save Tony Orlando's House
Miss American Girl Pageant
Carnival Of The Stars
The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular
The Simpsons Spinoff Showcase
Music
Stop The Planet Of The Apes: I Want To Get Off!
Muttonchops
Trucks
Rod, the happy-go-lucky fire engine
Industrial
D.N.A.
Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?
Alice Doesn't Live Any More
Birds: Our Fine Feathered Colleagues
Man Verses Nature: The Road To Victory
Earwigs, Eww!
Adjusting Your Self-O-Stat
Get Confident, Stupid!
Smoke Yourself Thin
Kiss Your Butt Goodbye: Post-Meltdown Emergency Procedures
Where In The Heck Is The People's Republic Of Kampuchea?
Boy, Oh Cheboygan!
Dig Your Own Grave And Save
Mothballing Your Battleship
The Half-Assed Guide To Foundation Repair
Fuzzy Bunny's Guide To You-Know-What
Here Comes The Metric System
Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly
60 Minutes Of Car Crash Victims
Alice's Adventures Through The Windshield Glass
The Decapitation Of Larry Leadfoot
Pepsi Presents: Fractions
The Meat Council: Meat And You: Partners In Freedom
Two Minus Three Equals Negative Fun
Firecrackers: The Silent Killer
Shoplifters BEWARE
Designated Drivers: The Lifesaving Nerds
Phoney Tornado Alerts Reduce Readiness
Locker Room Towel Fights: The Blinding Of Larry Driscoll
A Tree Grew In Springfield
Turning Comics Into Movies
Voice Over
Duff Gardens Commercial
Barnum - The Animated Series
Christmas Ape
Christmas Ape Goes To Summer Camp
Performer Skills
Dance: Tap
Athletic Skills: Football, Golf
Performance Skills: Singing, Comedian, Stunts, Host, Teleprompter, Voiceover
Employment Details
Work History : Television, Voice Over, Film, Commercial, Industrial
Job Categories: Acting, Directing